Friday, December 27, 2013

"The Closed Gate" (short story of Destiny)

Two Travellers...
Once upon a time ...
There was a happy contended traveller ' Solmon ' . He loved traveling and was contended with his own company. He knew only to travel and was happy traveling alone, seeing the world and enjoying every creation of God and man as he travelled . He will find company in self when alone and he was able to find solitude within when in crowd. He knew no boundaries , the whole world was his own , yet he was uniquely himself.

On another journey was a traveller 'Cayo' who was so fun loving . He knew nothing but to meet people and spread laughter, stopping at each station and cracking jokes and spreading laughter. He met many people in his journey but was still looking for someone who he can travel and laugh through his whole journey .

Destiny: Meeting ....
One day they happen to meet in a train. They felt strong connection and became good friends. They loved seeing places and decided what fun it will be to travel all their life together. They felt they have found their true companion in each other.

The next station was Cayo's hometown. Solmon will usually not stop at a station and Cayo will stop to meet people. Knowing that Cayo was in dilema , Solmon said he too will get down this time with Cayo. Cayo was overjoyed and they decided they will stop at Cayo's home for a night . Next morning they will commence their journey together again.

The Stopover..... 
Early morning the train stopped at Cayo's hometown . Both friends went to Cayo's house but as they were about to enter the house , Cayo realized he had not informed his family about his new friend. he decided , he will go in first and let everyone know and all will welcome Solmon together.

Deciding and agreeing so , Cayo  went in the house and Solmon happily waited . The gate had security and was locked after Cayo went in.

Cayo had a big family and everyone was happy to see Cayo after a long time .Everyone came to greet him , hug him and they talked and laughed.
Hours passed by , and Cayo got busy with his family .

The Closed Gate.....
 Solmon waited , for he knew his friend will sure come for him to take him inside and meet his family.

Soon , people of the family started going to work and coming out of the house. Cayo had told Solmon about his family on the train , and Everytime someone will come out of the gate , Solmon will smile at them for he knew them . But members of the family were in hurry and seeing someone at the gate they will pass by him thinking he is some stranger , waiting for someone stranger .
Solmon keep waiting , sun reached its zenith and he started getting tired. He sat by side of the gate, still hoping. He wanted to go in but gate was locked and there was no means to communicate with Cayo.

Evening approached and people started returning to home , and now Solmon asked everyone to tell Cayo that he is waiting at the gate . They all took the message but no one invited him inside, and locked the gate as they went in.

Some family members went and told Cayo that someone was waiting . Cayo listened and told them it's his friend Solmon , but every time he wanted to go out , he was caught in another discussion about his travel adventures by his family. Cayo , assumed that Solmon will wait and will never leave.

It started growing dark soon , now Solmon started getting worried, being in a new place and all alone. His peace and content started getting replaced by fear and sadness . He felt miserable. He started calling for Cayo , but Cayo didn't hear for him for he was surrounded by his family and all were sharing laughter.

Solmon was scared and for first time felt lonely and cried , but no one was there to wipe the tears or hear his cries . He forgot that there was a time he could be his own companion. He now only longed for the company of Cayo.

Sitting in that silent moment in dark and cold night , he saw a lamp at a distance . He  wanted to go to the light , but didn't want to hurt his friend, if he came looking for him .

After waiting many hours He walked few steps to light , but came back to the locked gate , hoping his friend Cayo will come out to receive him any minute. He waited another hour and then loosing hope again walked towards light. Every time he would start walking , his hope will return and he will return to the gate. Few more hours passed and Cayo didn't come out.

It was now midnight . His body has frozen in that cold night . Solmon realized that has waited too long outside that locked gate and now his heart had started to freeze. He wanted to save his heart !! Now all Solmon wanted was light and warmth he now felt if his friend is to come looking for him , he will be able to find him under that lamp this night . Next day the journey was to commence ...

Finally he started walking towards the lamp.....

The Lamp ...,,
As he walked towards the lamp and came closer to light he realized so much has changed in his life in last many hours of wait. The light of lamp made think that his longing to journey with Cayo has slowly robbed him of his peace and content.

The warmth  of the lamp surrounded him like the wings of the angels and he felt life coming back to him .He now wanted to stand in lamp and heal & rediscover himself to feel the contentment and peace which was his .

He still hoped to see places with Cayo but no longer waits. He decides to spend the night under the lamp , and will commence his journey in morning , with hope of meeting Cayo again.

Closed Gate......
Inside the house, Cayo was surrounded by family and after dinner , people slowly started retiring to bed.

When everyone went to sleep , Cayo remembered of a companion he had found on his journey and who he had forgotten to invite inside. Cayo now longed for his companion Solmon and realized he has spent too much time with his family and have kept Solmon waiting .

Cayo went to the gate to look for Solmon. Not finding Solmon there, Cayo felt  Solmon had left him and continued on his journey alone.  He felt his friend has betrayed and disowned him .  He was now filled with so much pain that he could not open the gate still or look around for his friend. That closed gate  became his prison of pain. He felt all his dreams of traveling and seeing places with Solmon are lost. He felt lonely even in his hometown today. He sat behind closed Gate and  cried.

Destiny : Separation.... 
Both friends are longing for each other yet unaware of each other's presence at few steps away. The world sleeps soundly unaware of their pain.

The Two Twinkles in the Sky .... 
Only two stars in the sky have witnessed Solmon and Cayo's separation by fate and feel their pain. And they so wish they could speak and tell Solmon and Cayo how near they are.
The Stars wondered :
If Cayo will be able to come from his prison of pain and realize his friend is right there waiting under the lamp?
If they will commence their journey together with new day ?
Will they be separated ?
Will Cayo be able to laugh and spread laughter  once again?
Will Solmon be a lone traveller ? Will he ever trust anyone to stop-over again ?

So many questions .....!!
Two Stars twinkled through the night with Hope , that the two friends may find each other and commence their journey together again in morning  !! It's been an exceptionally long night even for those stars this time!!

Monday, December 9, 2013

Finding my Life's Purpose !! (part1)

I have been searching for my life's purpose , I played various roles at work and in personal life , and none fit right . Slowly this longing grew and I even left my job to look to "do" more meaningful in life , only to realize that "doing" what I thought is my life's purpose is merely a part of it , not "THE purpose of my life"
For last 1 year I started on an intense journey to find and achieve my real"Life's purpose" , sitting with my and reconnecting with self .
Here are some notes , of what I learnt :

Q. What is my life purpose?
A. your life's purpose is to live a life You came here (on earth for ) for .

Q. Why did I come here for ?
A. To understand why you came here , you need to first find "who " you are .

Q. Who am I - a daughter? A wife ? A friend? A Lover? A sister? A Manager?
A. No , those are various roles you play . You are a soul !! A Human soul.

Q. Ok , so why I came here as a Human soul?
A. To fulfill your soul's life purpose.

Q. What is my soul's purpose?
A. To understand your soul's purpose You need to know what is a soul..

Q. What is a soul, an invisible light that resides in heart? Between brows? Outside body? How do I know what I can't see.
A. Yes we can't see, let's try describing it by what it is made of .

Q. What is soul made of ?
A. Love, Peace and Joy , I guess...

Q. Ok , I understand soul is made of love peace and Joy , but what is its purpose of coming on this earth as Human?
A. Ok , Let's understand Humans now

Q. Who is a human ?
A . Going by the basic book knowledge Human is a "social animal" with "intelligence".

Q. What do you mean by "Human is social animal " and what it means "with intelligence"
A. It means living a life in relationship with other humans ..
I guess, with intelligence , it means living a life using brains In What he does.

Q. So what is my life's purpose?
A. To live a life of who you are ...

Now ,  put it all together to see what it means ...
"I am a soul made of love , peace and joy which has come to earth to live a life true to my own nature while intelligently associating with other humans".

having realized "what" my life's purpose , I started on a journey to know "how" to live a life of My life's purpose.



Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Feeling contended in Doing something !!

Many times we do things thinking it will please others , make others happy and in return will bring us some kind of reward (emotional , financial etc) .
Whenever we do something in for something in return , we are seeking for momentary happiness ,  and many times are left in hurt or pain or anger if it doesn't bring in results as we anticipated.

The only way to do anything is to do it because" You WANT to do it" . You may make mistake and learn or you may succeed , but either way it will bring you a joy within .

People do not inflict pain or hurt on us , we do it ourself .  By doing things against our will , not owning up our decisions / our actions /results, we bring in inner conflict and that is the cause of pain and hurt , not others.
We have always heard that "doing for others " bring us joy . But it does carry a deeper meaning than just what it says . Unless you really own up something ,  making it very own cause, and be prepared to do it right from your very core ,  the satisfaction , the happiness cannot be yours!!

If you are not in alignment to yourself in doing something , no matter who else accepts or praise your work and what may be the gain , you will never feel contented. But if you are in alignment with self , it would not matter what the outcome is , the contentment would come by merely doing. It.

If you don't "want " to do anything , Don't do it .
If you are not "ready"  to do it , Don't do it.

But ,
When you "want" to do something , get "ready" for it 100% , "give it " 200% shrugging all your fears and call of ego , and you will never regret it!!!

Let it be your choice , your decision , your ownership and your outcome , only then you can feel "contended" ! ,

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Have you missed to count "someone" ?

 It's often heard , women don't get to take care of themselves enough . I had feel its true but it's not just about women , but about any person who assumes the role of primary caregiver .
Society has seen women as primary caregiver and men as bread earner , so it applied mostly to women , but it really is the case with anyone who assumes the role of Primary caregiver of the family.This person assumes the role and considers it as duty to "give" constantly , forgetting the Self.
A beautiful story I read recently , describes it beautifully

"One time a group of 10 people crossed river and to ensure that all people crossed over safely they decided to head count  . Every time they counted they counted only NINE!! they took turns but got only NINE head count. This caused them worry and sadness.
A wise man passing by , saw them in despair and decided to help. He realized that the person counting is missing out himself . This time he asked them to count again and after they were done with Nine , the wise man reminded them that they are missing to count "themselves". Once they realized ,that all ten people were safe and they went happy !!"

Mostly as caregiver , we get so focused on taking care of others that we forget to count ourself as one among those . We alienate ourself from the care we are suppose to give to the "family".  While the frustration starts because we may be feeling exhausted , the actual cause of grief is that subconsciously we know we have missed someone we were responsible for and are not able to recognize who that is!!

Prayers not answered -- have we given our100% ?

A thought that crossed over ...We often blame God for not listening our prayers .. But .....
"Krishna was the supreme one and well knew that the villagers cannot lift the Govardhan Mountain .. But he asked them all to first try lifting it with all their might using their sticks , before he lifted it on his finger"

Anyone with logic can tell , villagers could not have done it on their own , and it was extremely easy for Krishna to do it in first place.
But we don't use our logic on " why he still asked ? "
.. He wanted to teach unless we put our best effort , no matter how much we pray , even though He has all powers he will not / may not be able to help . He need to see our intention ,to solve , our belief that it will be solved ,our faith in Him that He is by our side, and our best efforts even though it may be him alone who can solve them !!
"God also helps those who help themselves" !!
It's true that Nothing happens without his will , buts it's also true nothings happens without our effort!!

Have we put 100% effort to solve , before we blame Him for not listening to our prayers and solving our problems, which may be He only can solve.
"Miracles do happen" .. But don't forget the second part " Only if we give our 100% first" !!

Sunday, August 11, 2013

The guilt of not not creating

It's been days I have written a blog on this page. And it's been 2 weeks since I have worked on any painting either.
These days I find myself enjoying more in trying new receipts in my kitchen , new salad dressings and various kind of low calorie breads and and desserts, another of my passion.
I would often guilty for not painting or not completing the art projects yet to finish.
Recently found this poem and realized the real creativity cannot be forced . And this is a reason why my writing is an "emotional burst".
So enjoy this poem by "Charles Bukowski" ,  till I have something to write really from my heart and soul :


So You Want To Be A Writer

if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don't do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.
and there never was.

- Charles Bukowski.

Monday, June 10, 2013

A day of receiving More !!!

I love to sometimes go out and eat alone , just to give myself a company and get some quiet time to observe and feel around .. . Today was one such day .. Went to lunch , I am a foodie but selective foodie ... And somedays are not meant for food , just that feeling of going out and observing . 
I ordered my food , waited and observed people coming and going , that item number on Tv , the people seeing the food , expressions on people , their gestures ..

And while I was observing ,30  mins passed and still my food was not ready , asked and they realized they forgot !! 
 No worries , Today the purpose was "observation" .
Finally the food comes , and I ate and still observed.
Realized have got extra Roti (bread) ... First thought of eating it all ;) .. 

Then remembered there is a word called "overeating" and a expression called " getting fatter"  (can't afford anything more than I am already !!! ) and a pain and horror called "exercising " !! 
And thought let's nip it in bud !! 

As it was already on my plate and thought it will now only going to go in Dustin , let me share it with some birds who give me at that secluded stop , I love to sit and write these days ... 
Rolled back the roti in the aluminum foil wrap it came in .. 
Walked to that place and spread the bread under the tree in bite size nibbles for my little friends ..... 

Why didn't I think of it when I "had "more other days ??? Today I "received" more and I felt like sharing....

I was about to walk way , when I observed the beautiful seeds and acorn lying under the tree ... 
I picked few to observe ( that's what that lunch was about , isn't it ?? ) ... And loved them 
The artist in me danced with joy !!! how wonderful will they look on my Canvas !!It was my turn to receive back again !! 
Loved them and collected some in the same aluminum foil wrap I had brought the roti ..
 I came back with It filled 4 times filled I had shared from it !!

Received more  .. Shared ... Received much more !!!

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Why this blog , What it is and Who should read it?

Finally I am writing it !!!! On this blog !!
It's been there for a while and never had an entry , not because I never had anything to write , but because I was critical of myself and was not able to choose what to write !!  Today , as I wrote in my diary one time , l want to write and publish it ... And I start today ... And that's the only answer to WHY :) !!! 

Why that name ??? Simply because I am so bad at naming anything !!! and simply because I could not think of Anything Better. !!!
Emotions are always there , they come and go ... But sometime , they feel like bursting out and that's when they convert in writing ;) .. And so that's it !!! Sory I can't think of any better name !!! ;) 

So let begin with " Who Should Not be reading this blog" . 

If you don't  Questioned life , circumstances , God  " This blog is Not for you' . 
If you are easy flowing with life and accept all that comes your way " This blog is  Not  for you' . 
If you have never struggled with your inner self and your projection outside " This blog is  Not for you' . 
If you are comfortable with your thoughts And beliefs and don't feel the need to share or hear anyone else " this blog is not for you".

And if you just like to have a good read and looking for something which brings peace and joy to you in your free time "This blog is Definitely  NOT for you".

Now do we have anyone left , after that small checklist ??? If you are still there , read this blog at your own risk .. ;) ...

This blog is just my observation of life ... As I child I wanted to be an scientist ... and a scientist always keep writing his findings and observation of its research . So this is my findings and observation of my experiment called LIFE!! 
I am no scientist today . Well it's a different matter , only now I realize, all I wanted to be in category of people who are called "crazy" like , scientist , artists , writers , poets etc etc(sorry folks if I have missed out the other career options of being crazy, I am just running short of time to make whole list)  .. And I realize ,  I am crazy ... So I am there !! 

Lets come back to our discussion , I tend to divert and you will have to put up with it , if you wish to be a reader here ;) ... 

This blog is not meant to make anyone believe what I see , what I believe , but is definitely meant to make you "think" what you believe , sometime "disturb" your thoughts , sometimes take you to the silence called "inner me" .

This blog is not meant to see life from my eyes , but it's meant to let you begin to see life from your heart !!

So all those who at still there ... You are welcomed to read through my thoughts in coming post ...not all will be new , some will be from my diary written many months back ... Some will be new findings . Some may be lengthy to keep you real busy and some may be. Real small as a paragraph or smaller.
These are my findings , my observation and I am in no responsible for yours:) ... 
Once again read at your own risk ;) ... 
It's not a horror story , but faint hearted may find themselves disturbed outside if their inner self start thinking :) !!